The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
I’m at the age where if you text me after 9 PM, I’m texting back at 4:36 AM.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
Maybe broccoli doesn’t like you either!
My most honest friend is the refrigerator: always open for me especially at night.
Sometimes I spend the entire meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
You need two tools in life. WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use Duct Tape.
What did the tectonic plate say after bumping into another? Sorry, my fault!
Me: No more, your dog food bag says 1 cup. The Dog: And the Oreo Box doesn’t say 16 cookies per serving…
