We’re all familiar with grogginess of weekday mornings. In fact, many of us don’t even open our eyes until we get to the office! But what if you could fill that tedious doldrum between bed and desk with some honest-to-goodness actual laughter? Bellowing guffaws? Sneaky titters? Little giggles, even?
Here, we’ve gathered ten of our favorite jokes that are sure to make you crack a smile before the crack of dawn:
1. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password.
It’s not stroganoff.
2. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
3. What do runners eat before a race?
Nothing. They Fast.
4. Not only is my new thesaurus terrible…
…it’s also terrible.
5. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
6. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
7. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”
8. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
9. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
10. What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard! It’s the best thing for a hot dog.
And if you’ve got a minute, consider checking out this John Mulaney bit.
For those unfamiliar with John Mulaney, this is as good a place as any to start. Some have taken to calling him this generation’s Jerry Seinfeld. Known for his clean-cut persona, and so-tight-they-slay punchlines, Mulaney is a necessary addition to any comedy fan’s rotation.
Know any good jokes you think we’d like to hear? Have any funny observations or humorous anecdotes for us? Feel free to comment on them, and spread the smiles.